Crispin gets one right? A chicken in every pot?

April 03rd 2007

I received the following April Fools message from those kind old pranksters over at the Crossroads, or should I say well-past the crossroads?

Enjoy….

JobCentral’s National Labor Exchange Takes Over the US Government Employment Services. Bill Warren Promises Everyone a Job.

In a move reminiscent of Franklin Roosevelt’s New Deal and his promise of a “chicken in every pot”, Bill Warren accepted the keys from (an anonymous worker of) the US government to the doors of all 2000 employment services offices distributed throughout the US.

The JobCentral National Labor Exchange, a service of DirectEmployers Association, is “a nonprofit consortium of leading U.S. corporations” (and a few not so leading for a small financial consideration) according to its well-written web site. Bill Warren, the executive Director, envisions the NLE as a “single place on the Internet where job seekers can find employment opportunities in all industries.”

As Bill morphed Direct Employers into JobCentral and JobCentral into the National Labor Exchange, his vision continued to broaden and become bolder stating, for example, that “the JobCentral National Labor Exchange site will play a leading role in helping employers meet their individual affirmative action goals and, as a group, better manage our nation’s workforce.”

Whether operating as a “primary focal point for recruiting diversity candidates , returning members of the U.S. Armed Forces and specialty groups such as the physically challenged and senior members of the workforce” the NLE was going to be there. National disasters like Katrina? No problem, the NLE was in place.

After reading the services described by this site, members of the US government realized that closing Americas Job Bank was too little and not too soon. Clearly there were commercial services whose hyperbole was on a level comparable to the administration’s best effort of “no child left behind”. Bill and his writers willingly stepped up to the plate and the rest will be history.

Even though the message is laden with deep seeded sarcasm, as intended, Gerry and Mark are closer to the truth than they know. We’re not promising everyone a job, although we are mailing the chickens out this afternoon.